He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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