She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Im part way to drunk.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
