I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
