I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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