Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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