You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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