i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
