oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
