you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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