break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
