like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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