Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
