Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
