Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
