If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
