Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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