So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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