I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
