Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
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