three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
