I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
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