Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I'm passing your future prison.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
