Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
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