I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
