so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
