no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
