Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
