Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
