when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
