When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Randomize
