You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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