the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm determined to sit on that face.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
