Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
