brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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