I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
