I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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