By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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