Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
