I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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