you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
