No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
