Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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