I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
