i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
