One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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