i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I can't turn off my feet"
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
