It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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