is your mom at the bar?
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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