how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
