iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
