Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
