i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I think I just sharted jello shots
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