Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
