then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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