I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Panties = found
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
