who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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