my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
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