you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
