morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
