Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
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I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
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I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize