Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
