Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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