Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
