I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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