so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
