I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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