So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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