As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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