Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
