i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
