You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
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