you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
