I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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