he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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