I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
